I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
