Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
