Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize