Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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