If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
