My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
