so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
