My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
soo... how was my night?
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