i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
