I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
BRING THE BAGELS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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