i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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