I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
