His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
