i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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