Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
