hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How's work?
Spinning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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