we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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