I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
