Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
