I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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