I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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