You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
