An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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