I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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