so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
