my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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