My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
