also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
