Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
