I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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