I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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