i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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