Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize