he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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