is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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