My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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