There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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