he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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