Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
