I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
