U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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