Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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