Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize