I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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