it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
