She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
