P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love having hate sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
