thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
