He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
