Only a mothe r could love this liver
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
