I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
