You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do herpes really smell.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
