Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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