it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
