Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you had me at cake vodka
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
