I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
