now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
