So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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