Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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