Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
