she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
