why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well you can't waste a boner
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
