I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
