You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize