TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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